Welcome to our interview series Unveiling Layers. Today, we’re joined by New York City mistress, the captivating Ramona Ryder.
How did you get into the industry and what does your journey look like so far?
I’m originally from NYC but was living in San Francisco when I got started in this world. SF was much more progressive when it came to sex work. There was even a worker-owner peep show called the Lusty Lady. Sex work became normalized to me living in the Bay. I was in a band with a girl who did every form of sex work you can imagine. When I got let go from what would be my last 9-5 job, she helped me get into tantra and dominatrix work and the rest is history.
How has the industry changed since you started?
We have less places to advertise that actually work and showcase us in a flattering way. That’s why I adore your site is because it’s not oversaturated and doesn’t have that sketch factor so many other sites have due to all the fake profiles. When I check on my ad, I want to be wedged between my friends and known colleagues who I respect, not OnlyFans people trying to scam a potential client- real sex workers who don’t look down on in-person work.
What’s something most people wouldn’t expect about you?
I haven’t had a drink since I was 20 and I meditate every day.
What does discretion mean to you, and how do you navigate it in your career?
I do not text my clients unless we know each other very well or use Signal. I only touch my clients when out in public if we are not in their city unless they have made it clear that it is alright. I never go down and get clients when I host in a hotel- rather, I hide a keycard in the lobby so they can come up alone, minimizing the chance of us being seen together. Hotel elevators that require keycards are the bane of my existence.
What role does social media play in your work?
Too much. I have a successful Twitter following @RamonaRyderNYC and on my backup @RamonaRyderNY. Twitter is more polished on my main account. I use the backup for more personal stuff and written statements. My Instagram accounts keep getting deleted which is unfortunate since it’s harder to grow there but this is my current one which would appreciate a follow @Mistress.Ramona.Ryder.NYC. If I had one of my last accounts, it would probably be at 20K by now. Instagram is such a great way to network in the kink queer community versus get clients. Bluesky is @RamonaRyderNYC and is slow to take off.
Instagram has never netted me clients or made me money unlike Twitter that nets me tons of clients. Instagram is for your ex-boyfriends stalking you and people you know in real life seeing you in lingerie. Nobody in my social life uses Twitter. On the other hand, my clients love Twitter and they’re not all Boomers. I think they find me through friends of friends and like to see how we all interact with each other. I’m not on Twitter complaining about my clients or picking fights with other girls and I think that’s attractive to many guys. Twitter can be a reflection of who we are in real life.
My blog and my mailing list are my two most important assets-way more than social media. Social media is important, but the mailing list reminds my men that I exist and the blog lets them get to know me- both are CRUCIAL. Mailing lists and blogs are my top two words of advice to anyone in the industry, old or new. I also made everyone playlists on my YouTube channel @RamonaRyder.
Is there a piece in your working wardrobe that you just love?
Trasparenze Sara Silky Stockings were the best advice I ever got from another provider. I always wear a garter belt, and these stockings come in normal and tall sizes. I have very long legs and like my stockings to rest right below my ass. These stockings are cheap on Amazon, wash well, and don’t easily rip.
What’s your favorite way to relax and recharge after a long week?
I don’t really have weeks and weekends as a sex worker. I find energy clearing to be important so I sage myself and bathe in sea salts with crystals in the tub. I designed my bathroom myself so it’s my little sanctuary. I also love seeing live music and going to punk and metal shows- it’s so cathartic! Also, searching mindlessly on the RealReal and favoriting stuff for fun, but not buying anything. Buying things is their job. Another word of advice: don’t buy yourself luxury goods, that’s their job! I’d rather put my money toward retirement.
Do you have any special interests? What do you get up to when you aren’t working?
I have so many industry friends, but my life is very much outside of the industry. I started sex work already heavily immersed in punk and the recovery community. In punk, I’ve booked shows, played in bands, toured, had a record label, hosted a radio show, and worked on a magazine which is why I moved from NYC to SF. I go to a lot of shows and art openings. I love Ancient Egypt at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and museums in general. Ancient Egypt is so much of an obsession that I got the wings of the Goddess Isis tattooed under my breasts with an anarchy symbol to remind me of my punk roots. I love history and Art Deco architecture!
You live in New York City. What do you love about it?
New York is my soul. I was born here, raised here, and I’ll always belong to these streets. The city charges me with a kind of electricity you just can’t get anywhere else, except maybe Tokyo. I drink in the beauty of the architecture, the chaos, the rhythm of everyone rushing somewhere with purpose and it feeds me, body and spirit.
I’m surrounded by brilliance here, people excelling in their own worlds, which keeps me sharp and inspired to go even deeper into mine. My circle of sex worker friends in NYC is unmatched. They are so strong and dazzling and we are fiercely supportive of each other. My life is big, stretching far beyond our sex work bubble, and often blending, into the punk, metal, and arts scenes. Culture is the best there is here, and I won’t settle for B-grade- NYC or bust, baby!
My favourite album is: Cough/Cool by Misfits
We'll get along if: you’re not trying too hard
My favorite guilty pleasure is: curating my wish lists
If they made a movie based on my life, the movie star who should play me is: My dream would be 1960s Penelope Tree with black hair
My favorite food/wine/ is: a good A5 wagyu steak and peach Perrier
Head over to her profile!